What is Effective Shellfishness?
Effective Shellfishness is a serial novel published as alternating free and paid chapters on a more-or-less weekly basis, ideally on Mondays at 2 PM Eastern Standard Time1. Any resemblances to real life are a sign that you should find a more normal friend group.
Book I is free to read, but even-numbered chapters from Book II onwards are for paid subscribers.
Am I part of the target audience for Effective Shellfishness?
If you’re reading it, it’s for you.
Why should I buy a paid subscription?
Because otherwise you will only get to read every other chapter of Effective Shellfishness and will have to fill in the plot holes after Book I onwards yourself. A subscription is $6 a month, or $60 if you pay annually, which is probably less than your coffee budget. A founding membership (Word Rotator Tier) is $120 annually, or more if you’d like to show your appreciation by adding to the tip jar.
Why should I become a Word Rotator?
Word Rotators to read each chapter a week in advance, barring life difficulties on the part of the authors, and will receive a free signed copy of the eventual print edition. Particularly generous Word Rotators may even be asked if they’d like to be listed in the acknowledgments.
How long will Effective Shellfishness be?
Effective Shellfishness launched on September 1st, 2025; as currently outlined and with a bit of luck, it should wrap up at the very end of 2026.
No sequels are planned, though we do not entirely rule out the possibility of outtakes or short stories à la Charles Ryder’s Schooldays.
Why a Substack serial instead of regular print publication?
Because even good writers are lucky to make five figures from traditional literary fiction these days; we are betting that the paid Substack serial is a much more lucrative vehicle than the traditional publishing house.
After Effective Shellfishness wraps up on Substack towards the end of 2026, we will go back for a bit of light editing and, with luck, have a print edition out by the end of 2027.
Why am I unable to like or comment on chapters?
Because word rotators might spoil the next chapter’s events and we would prefer that people have flamewars about it somewhere else where the peanut gallery might be swayed into reading this controversial new work of fiction. Unfortunately, it is impossible (at the moment) to turn off comments without turning off likes as well.
Is Effective Shellfishness AI-generated?
Only our profile picture was. As of the tail end of 2025, AI models are unable to generate the convoluted plot and smug pomposity that are the hallmarks of Effective Shellfishness.
I believe I am being unfairly mocked in the guise of one of your characters.
We assure you that you are being fairly mocked.
Your prose style is insufferable.
We highly recommend visiting your local Barnes and Noble to peruse its copious selection of Young Adult Novels.
I would like to offer you an eight-figure movie deal/abuse you verbally.
Please send an email to clarkson dot rockwood at effectiveshellfishness dot com.
I’d like to know more about the author.
Clarkson Rockwood is a pen name. He lives on the Internet.
The authors may take a brief hiatus of no more than a week in between books of the novel. Word Rotators will then receive the next two chapters the first week back.
